1.      BECOMING AN EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY PARENT

a.      Be aware of your emotions

We all have emotions-they are a natural part of who we are. They give us information about what we are experiencing and help us know how to react. We sense our emotions from the time we are babies. Infants react to their emotions with facial expressions or with actions like laughing, cuddling or crying. Although infants feel and show emotions, they have not yet developed the ability to name the emotion or say why they feel that way. As we grow however, we become more skilled at knowing what we are feeling and why.  That is, instead of just reacting like little children do, we can identify what we feel and put it into words. This is called emotional awareness. Being aware of our emotions can help us to stay on top of our emotions, talk about feelings more clearly, avoid or resolve conflicts better, and move past difficult feelings more easily. It also helps parents to parent calmly throughout the day.

As parents become aware of their emotions, there are six KEY things to keep in mind:

·         There are no good or bad emotions, but there are good and bad ways of expressing (or acting) on them. Learning how to manage and express emotions in acceptable ways is a skill that is built on a foundation of being able to understand emotions.

·         Do not suppress emotions. Avoiding negative feelings or pretending we do not feel the way we do can backfire. It is harder to move past difficult feelings.  Although we do not have to dwell on our emotions or constantly talk about how we feel, it helps if we recognize, respect, and accept our feelings as they happen. People, who ignore, dismiss, repress or just ventilate their emotions-fear, anxiety, frustrations and negativity- are setting themselves up for physical illness. This is because, feelings that are not ‘felt’ or ‘released’ but buried within the body, can cause chemical reactions in our bodies that are very different from the chemicals released when we feel positive emotions such as happy, content, loved, accepted. 

·         Emotional awareness comes more easily to some people than others. The good news is; it is a skill that anyone can practice.

·         Be confident that you can handle the emotion(s) and sensations that come your way. Remind yourself you are not your emotions. You are the observer of your emotions. As the choice maker of your life, you may choose, if you wish, to breathe into any painful energy, notice it shift, move, release.

Here are a few ways of becoming aware of one’s emotions

As parents, you want to be aware of what you tell yourself inside so that you direct your choices (rather than your emotions). Your ability to choose how you think about yourself allows you to regulate or choose your response to any triggering events. And when you, rather than your emotions, are in charge of what you think, you are in charge of your behaviours, and thus, have more say as to how events in your life unfold. Developing self-awareness is the first step to transforming your thoughts:

·         Understand your emotions. you need to ask yourself two questions:

ü  How I am I feeling?  

ü  How do I know what I am feeling?

Although we may falsely label such self-reflection as selfish, looking deeper into ourselves and focusing on what lights us up is truly beneficial to the spirits of our children.

·         Know the symptoms. Getting stressed is a gradual process—it does not happen overnight. It helps if parents can ‘tell’ when they are ‘slipping’ into emotional fatigue or if they are already there.  If parents become more aware of the signs, they can be in position to extinguish the flames before they evolve into a smouldering fire.

·         Make a habit of tuning in to your emotions. Emotions are feelings. To start to understand your emotions, simply notice whatever emotion you feel and name that emotion in your mind. By simply identifying exactly what you are feeling, you can begin taking the power away from the emotion as you work through what is causing it.

Though your feelings may vary in intensity, most fall into one of these broad categories:

ü  Anxiety. A strong desire or concern about something with an uncertain outcome, resulting in worrying, nervousness or unease. It often takes the shape of ‘what ifs’-what if It does not work out well?

ü  Sadness. This tends to happen when we focus on things we cannot change leading to unhappiness, sorrow, dejection, regret, depression or misery.

ü  Anger. This involves strong uncomfortable and emotional responses to a perceived provocation, hurt or threat. These usually develop in response to the unwanted actions of another person who is perceived to be disrespectful, demeaning, threatening or neglectful. Although getting angry is a completely normal, positive, healthy and useful human emotion if it is expressed appropriately. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to various problems including increased anxiety, personal relationships and the overall quality of your life.

ü  Happiness is positive or pleasant thought ranging from intense joy to contentment. It is often brought about as a result of a gain, such as a compliment from a friend or a reward like a promotion at work.

• ·         Dissect complicated emotions. Sometimes a person can feel multiple emotions all at once. It is important to disentangle these emotions from each other so you can process each one on its own. Complicated emotions may arise from feeling both primary and secondary emotions. Primary emotions are the first responses to a situation. In other words, they are instinctive responses that we have. For example threatened, we may feel fear or when someone we love dies, we feel sad. Secondary emotions are the direct or indirect emotions felt following the primary. They may also come from more complex chains of thinking.  For example fear (primary emotion) can turn into anger (secondary emotion).  It is therefore important to try and decoding your primary and secondary emotions. This helps in giving yourself a fuller picture of your mental processes.
• ·         Understand where the feelings are coming from. Take a moment and make a list of those things which are causing your stress. Also, ask yourself why you are feeling a certain way will help in getting to the root of why you are feeling that way. For example, “I feel like I am going to cry. Why? Because I am mad at my boss. Why? Because he offended me. Why? Because he does not respect me.” Keep going with the series of “why” questions until you reach the bottom line of your feelings.
• Keep a  feelings journal. Take a few minutes to write about how you are feel and why. Journaling about your experiences and feelings builds emotional awareness.
• ·         Rate how strong the feeling is. After you notice and name an emotion, take it a step further: Rate how strongly the emotion is on a scale of 1–10, with 1 being the mildest feeling and 10 the most intense.